Book Review - Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

 I have long looked at the Proverbs 31 woman and found her completely un-relatable. This woman seems to be wealthy. What makes me believe this? She has servants (vv.15), she is buying land (vv. 16), her household is clothed well (vv.21). But what else is this woman? This is a woman who is confident, wise, kind, and resourceful. She's not lazy, and she uses her time and money wisely. I used to look at her and believe that she was someone whose model I could certainly never live up too. 

Then I read, "Girl Stop Apologizing" by Rachel Hollis. This girl laid out the roadmap to becoming a Proverbs 31 woman! You don't have to stay where you are! God equipped you with a passion and a calling in life! What is your dream? God put this dream in your heart. Gone is the hopelessness and paralyzing fear that keeps you from pursuing this!

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."  2 Timothy 2: 6-7 

Rachel encourages her readers to let go of fear. She lays out the most common excuses we tend to make because we are afraid. Usually of what others will think of us. She encourages women to stop worrying about what other people think, and instead, be who GOD made them to be! 

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Rachel encourages women that they are able to discern what God's will is. She encourages them to work with the gifts God placed in them (she calls these dreams and goals and I see many people react to this. But, don't you think that God wants us to have those? We are made in HIS image. And so, we will be dreamers and goal chasers. And we will be creative in our own way with the gifts God has given each of us.) She advocates that women are not a "one size fits all". 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members,[e] and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.  Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads,[f] with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness. Romans 12:2-8

 Rachel encourages women everywhere to stop walking in fear and to be confident in the skills God gave them. (Confidence is NOT pride, dear friend. Confidence is "The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust." In this case, it the gifts and dreams God gave you, and the ability He gave you to learn new skills to accomplish those things.

"How many of you reading this are living half lives or, worse, are a shadow of who you were truly meant to be because someone in your life doesn’t fully appreciate or understand you?" (Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) (p. 12) Kindle Edition.)

These questions struck home for me. As I continued reading, Rachel breathed life into my hopeless, fearful, defeated soul. You see, I didn't think I could even be capable of achieving my dreams if I was even allowed to have any. I felt that I had to have permission to let the dreams God placed in my heart have even a ray of sunshine. And, I felt guilty for even having a dream that wasn't just taking care of kids and being a wife that my husband and kids would praise. My entire goal in life became making my husband and kids happy. Friend, we are NEVER going to make EVERYONE happy! That's not our job! Rachel encourages her readers that it doesn't matter if others think our dreams are crazy! They are our dreams! Not everyone else's! Do we make sacrifices for the people we love? Absolutely! Do our goals steamroll others? Absolutely Not!

Rachel shows us how to set the groundwork for working towards our goals without steamrolling! She advocates that good habits (like getting proper rest, not binge watching Netflix, planning, asking for help, time management...) are necessary to begin chasing a dream or goal. She helps her readers get in touch with the reality that success doesn't happen overnight or even on our time frame. We have to put in the effort, and be really honest about where we are starting from. If we have no time or resources, then we need to ask for help. If you have a family, then they are the priority. That doesn't mean you have to be there 24/7. It does mean that, if you can't afford child care and your kids are home, you need to work out with your spouse the schedule of fitting your dreams in. (I would venture to say that this is also true for men. While Rachel is writing to women, the groundwork and habits she lays out are applicable to anyone pursuing a dream or goal.) She encourages women that they don't have to say "yes" to every opportunity. Only the ones that fit who God made her and the dreams He put in her heart. If we are part of the body of Christ, then we know that not everyone needs to serve in the same way. Rachel encourages her readers that they can say "no" to the things that don't fit into their current goals and schedule.

Rachel wraps up by helping you start to PLAN! For example, say you want to go to school but you have kids and a family. (This is my husband's dream) First, you have to be realistic about the time and resources you have. Do you need childcare so your spouse isn't drowning while you work towards your goal? Do you have the money for this? If not, what can you do to change that? Can you afford the cost of classes? Do you have debt that would keep you from being free to go after this? Do you also have a job that leaves you less time? How much time do you have each week for your goal? 

Rachel walks you through setting your goal, and then figuring out which things need to happen for this to be a reality. This way you don't get distracted by Netflix, or FB browsing, or.... 

What if you don't have a goal for school or the professional world? You can benefit too! You see, even raising kids requires a goal. If you don't have a destination, how will you ever get where you're going? 

Here's an example of a goal I have. I want to raise Men who love God, and walk with Him humbly. Men who know how to live with their wives in understanding and lead gently and who respect women. That's a BIG goal! I might not accomplish it. In fact, a big part of that goal hinges on them actually following God. So God's work in their lives is important. Enter step 1. PRAY from my sons! Then I lay out a roadmap of the things they will need to learn and understand, how they are allowed to treat their Mom (me), and how to think about the needs of others when they're planning and wanting to do things in their lives. 

Will you achieve your dream/goal? Maybe, maybe not. But, Rachel advocates, you laid it all on the line and you TRIED! The rest is up to God. I'm reminded of the movie, "Facing the Giants". My favorite quote from the movie is, "You do your best and leave it all on the field, and leave the rest up to God." I believe "Girl, Stop Apologizing" is the handbook to doing your best and not feeling guilty for doing your best or not doing things the way everyone else does. The rest is in God's hands. It encourages you to stop thinking someone else can do what God placed in your heart better than you and to go for it! So what if you fail! You TRIED! Don't let fear hold you back from the calling God has placed on your life! Rachel leads by example in this. She put her heart out there for others and sought to encourage and edify others. 

As she closes her book, Rachel reminds her readers that you don't control your circumstances. But you can choose joy when they aren't ideal or the best. She edify's her readers to renew their minds and to dwell on the good things in their lives. 

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Philippians 4:4-8

Rachel's solid grounding in knowing she can't control her circumstances balanced with her understanding that some things require hard work (parenting, a career, a business). And, that there is no shame in using the resource of working hard to achieve something. She lays out the road blocks for actually getting work done and not tricking yourself into thinking a FB scroll or brainstorm session with friends is the actual work. You have to actually DO what you talk about doing. 

“You’re going to be there every single day, so you better believe your life is worth fighting for! It’s as simple and as hard as that. It means that you have to push through when you don’t want to. It means that you have to find a way to not go binge eat. It means that you have to have a hard conversation with your sister about the way you’re feeling. It means that you need to talk to your spouse about how you can have a stronger marriage. It means that you’re going to have to do a lot of things that make you uncomfortable. It means that you’re going to have to parent your kids instead of giving them what they want in order to keep the peace.”

— Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals (Girl, Wash Your Face) by Rachel Hollis

Many have sought to tear Rachel down and shame her. Be cautious of those who take only a single quote and tear it to shreds without reading the explanation of what is meant.