A Heart of Praise

I used to wonder how anyone could praise God when they felt hopeless. I never understood it, but I sure knew how to fake that. I would say all the time, "I just have that peace that passes understanding". I figured it was something I was just supposed to have. So, I stuffed how I really felt, and faked peace. I'm sure people saw through it and knew. But I sure felt that I was safe.

It wasn't until shortly before Christmas of 2016 that I really understood that it's a REAL thing. Like, really and totally real! I remember the night vividly. I was working on my business and realized that I had already laid it all on the line and there was nothing else that I could do for that month (it was the last day of the month). So, I decided to go and pray. 

I'm so thankful that I took that time. Because it was in that time that I went before God and was still on purpose, that He did something beautifully magnificent in me. I confessed to Him that I had handled some responsibilities the He had given me very poorly, I told Him how much I missed Him and the closeness I used to have to Him. And I told Him how I was trying to find that again and just couldn't figure out how to do it. Finally, I begged Him to draw close to me and draw me close to Him again. I don't know what I thought He would do. I guess I expected nothing. Which is crazy, because I knew better than that. But there I sat, in awe as a wave of peace and rest in spite of my chaotic life washed over me. 

Since that day, I face hard times differently. I still cry and fight for my way instead of waiting for God to work sometimes. I still get scared that maybe I won't be able to handle what's coming next. But, in spite of all of that, I don't feel utterly hopeless and alone. Because I have something I didn't have before. There's this knowing and trust that God actually cares about me and WANTS a relationship with me. And there's a security in knowing that I don't have to earn that. It's just there. My heart can truly praise God in the storms of life. During a recent storm, there was a song that just really struck a chord with me. It gave me hope and spoke to what my heart wanted to say to my God in those difficult days. It's called, "Praise You In The Storm" by Casting Crowns.