Redeeming Lost Time
Have you ever felt like you are just losing time with your kids? like it's just slipping away? Or, maybe, you, like me feel like one or more of your kids are more distant from you than the others. And you wonder why.
Before I get into this, I want to say one thing. I'm not sharing a sob story here. I'm not trying to get pity or make people feel bad for me. What I AM trying to do, is be completely honest and open. The raw kind of honest. I'm sharing because what I went through might help someone else to not feel alone. You are NOT alone. You are not the only Mom who has ever felt like you are failing at every turn. You are not the only Mom who feels clueless sometimes about how to reach your kids. YOU are the BEST Mom for your kids. Believe it, tell yourself over and over.
I stumbled through my days just wondering WHY this little human God had given me couldn't just do what he had been told! I've told him a THOUSAND times not to do this or that, and, still, he does it again! I just didn't get it! And, it was true. I didn't. I felt frustrated that this little 2 year old wasn't acting like a 30 year old. He constantly spilled things, made messes, and made mistakes. Perfect behavior 24/7 is what I was expecting from him. And I felt I had a right to expect it and get it. But I was wrong.
I will never forget the day I read a blog post about giving your kids grace. It was entitled "The Bully Close To Home". The writer suggested that, if an adult spills their coffee, we say, "It's ok, it was an accident." But, heaven forbid our little 2 year old do such a thing! "You were messing around again, weren't you?! Why can't you just sit still?!" Or something of the like is often our response to such an incident. Why do we expect them to be adults already? Our job isn't done. It's on US to teach them and train them. The writer suggested just apologizing for expecting them to be adults all the time. I'm not really sure why it never occurred to me to do this before. But I sure am glad that I read the blog that day. Because, after I told my son I was sorry, he was a different kid. I still mess up A LOT! But, I say, "I'm sorry" when I do. Because it's not about raising perfect kids. It's about raising kids who know how to fix it when they mess up. And, the best way to do that happens to be modeling it. I'm no expert, but I know it's changed our lives. And I say "I'm sorry" A LOT! But you know, I have learned something about my son. He's a sweet, forgiving, loving kid! Like, mature beyond his years mature!!! And I get to be his Mom! Do you know how BLESSED I feel?!!!! Do you have any idea?! Behind the walls he had put up to try and be perfect, was hiding a sweet little boy who would forgive his Mommy and even ask her if she was ok on her bad days. A boy who was ready with a hug when he sensed (from across the room mind you) this his Mommy needed a hug. He's a diamond in the rough. And it's my job to raise him and help him to see all of his good sides and buff out the imperfections ever so gently.
So, how do you redeem the time? I urge you to take a few moments TODAY to sit down with your kids and just say you are sorry for asking them to be adults when they are just kids. And tell them about the beautiful things you see in them. They might surprise you. You might get your socks blessed off. Seriously, you might. And, they might need time to process. And that's ok. They are kids. If they need a little time and space, let them have it. And love then through it. And, remember, YOU are the best Mom for YOUR kids.
Before I get into this, I want to say one thing. I'm not sharing a sob story here. I'm not trying to get pity or make people feel bad for me. What I AM trying to do, is be completely honest and open. The raw kind of honest. I'm sharing because what I went through might help someone else to not feel alone. You are NOT alone. You are not the only Mom who has ever felt like you are failing at every turn. You are not the only Mom who feels clueless sometimes about how to reach your kids. YOU are the BEST Mom for your kids. Believe it, tell yourself over and over.
I stumbled through my days just wondering WHY this little human God had given me couldn't just do what he had been told! I've told him a THOUSAND times not to do this or that, and, still, he does it again! I just didn't get it! And, it was true. I didn't. I felt frustrated that this little 2 year old wasn't acting like a 30 year old. He constantly spilled things, made messes, and made mistakes. Perfect behavior 24/7 is what I was expecting from him. And I felt I had a right to expect it and get it. But I was wrong.
I will never forget the day I read a blog post about giving your kids grace. It was entitled "The Bully Close To Home". The writer suggested that, if an adult spills their coffee, we say, "It's ok, it was an accident." But, heaven forbid our little 2 year old do such a thing! "You were messing around again, weren't you?! Why can't you just sit still?!" Or something of the like is often our response to such an incident. Why do we expect them to be adults already? Our job isn't done. It's on US to teach them and train them. The writer suggested just apologizing for expecting them to be adults all the time. I'm not really sure why it never occurred to me to do this before. But I sure am glad that I read the blog that day. Because, after I told my son I was sorry, he was a different kid. I still mess up A LOT! But, I say, "I'm sorry" when I do. Because it's not about raising perfect kids. It's about raising kids who know how to fix it when they mess up. And, the best way to do that happens to be modeling it. I'm no expert, but I know it's changed our lives. And I say "I'm sorry" A LOT! But you know, I have learned something about my son. He's a sweet, forgiving, loving kid! Like, mature beyond his years mature!!! And I get to be his Mom! Do you know how BLESSED I feel?!!!! Do you have any idea?! Behind the walls he had put up to try and be perfect, was hiding a sweet little boy who would forgive his Mommy and even ask her if she was ok on her bad days. A boy who was ready with a hug when he sensed (from across the room mind you) this his Mommy needed a hug. He's a diamond in the rough. And it's my job to raise him and help him to see all of his good sides and buff out the imperfections ever so gently.
So, how do you redeem the time? I urge you to take a few moments TODAY to sit down with your kids and just say you are sorry for asking them to be adults when they are just kids. And tell them about the beautiful things you see in them. They might surprise you. You might get your socks blessed off. Seriously, you might. And, they might need time to process. And that's ok. They are kids. If they need a little time and space, let them have it. And love then through it. And, remember, YOU are the best Mom for YOUR kids.
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